Accepting It

When I was in college I had suspicion that I had an attention deficit. The lived experience and environmental feedback (from people) made it evident. Still, hearing it for sure really bothered me. The generalized anxiety probably should have been more evident given the anxiety and panic attacks. The bipolar, well, I was in great denial about that.

I wanted to fix myself. I wanted to figure out how to end the disorder. It’s why so many counseling sessions didn’t work. It's why so many were a crash because I wanted someone to show me how to get rid of it. Attention deficit is quirky. It's for artist and goofballs. But bipolar is taboo. it was grounds to be called crazy. It was grounds to be delegitimized, dehumanized, and dismissed. Correction, it is grounds. Three professionals called out what I maybe already intuited as a child and strived to overcompensate for.

It would be a hard road to learn that there was no cure. There was only accepting that this is (and always has been) a part of me and learning how to live and cope with it better.

We Didn't Have Saucers

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