At my worst, I can burn a bridge like it's my profession. This comic is a near representation of how relationships of all kind can go for me. (Depression Comix is great. The illustrations have such sharp accuracy.)
I have involuntarily ruined/dropped friendships, potential relationships, professional connections, and more.
Sometimes I can’t get out of bed and have to flake. Sometimes I’m so irritated or angry that I have zero patience and never want to talk to a person again. Sometimes I’m so amped up that I overextend, burn out, and let people down. Sometimes I’m so anxious that I can’t show up.
I hate when people are a let down or make promises they don’t or can't keep. I hate being around folks who tend to let emotions get the best of them in. So of course, I absolutely loathe myself when I do it. I don’t want to be one of those people. My self hate can flare up viciously. I'm always deeply aware that on the receiving end I'm just being rude and unprofessional.
I believe mental health is an explanation, not an excuse.
I’ve avoided people. I’ve been a no call, no show. I'll ignore calls, texts, and block or ghost without explanation.
Am I struggling with something? Yes. Does that sometimes lead me to making unwise decisions as it relates to other people? Yes. Is it an excuse? No. An explanation? Yes. The world still spins and life doesn't have intermissions. Things can and will fall apart if you aren't there to tend to them. No matter what, that's on you. Compassion and understanding is preferable but not always extended. I hardly extend it to myself so, cold world.
I have a lot of inner friction and can only deal with so much friction with others before I start to pour the gasoline.